When Your Mind Won’t Stop Talking to You: Learning to Quiet the Noise

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

It’s one of those days…your brain just. won’t. stop.

There’s no crisis. No disaster. You’re just going about your day—making your morning coffee, running errands, sitting in a meeting—and your mind is doing that thing again.

It’s buzzing. Spinning. Replaying old conversations and catastrophizing future ones. It’s whispering, nudging, narrating:

– “Did I sound weird?”
– “What if something goes wrong?”
– “You should be doing more.”

Welcome to the inner noise. We all have it, just more or less of it!

What is “the noise,” exactly?

I call it the noise—that mental hum of anxious thoughts, worst-case scenarios, self-doubt, and what-ifs that plays in the background of our lives. Sometimes it’s a low murmur. Sometimes it’s full volume.

And often, it sounds suspiciously like your inner critic—that part of you that second-guesses, shames, warns, and keeps you playing small.
It might say:
– “You’re going to mess this up.”
– “Don’t speak up—you’ll sound stupid.”
– “Why can’t you just get it together?”

Sound familiar?

Well, I’m here to tell you that you are not broken. You’re human.

Let me say this clearly:
If you experience this kind of mental chatter, you are not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not failing at life.

What you’re experiencing is a brain trying to protect you—with a bit of faulty wiring and a lot of outdated programming.

Your brain evolved to scan for threats. And in the absence of real danger (say, that proverbial tiger in the bushes), it scans for perceived threats—like disapproval, uncertainty, or vulnerability. Your thoughts are your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe… they often stop you from stepping outside of your comfort zone. Yet, when we don’t take any risks we end up feeling stuck and frustrated with ourselves and our lives.

Why we hold on to anxious thinking (even when it’s exhausting).

Believe it or not, anxiety sometimes feels helpful.

All that thinking can give us a sense of control. As if by mentally rehearsing every possible outcome, we’ll be better prepared. Like we’re doing something productive.

– Worrying distracts us from experiencing whatever feels live underneath the worry – feelings that might be difficult to sit with including sadness, fear, frustration, grief or anger.
– Overthinking gives us the illusion that we’re preventing failure.
– Expecting the worst feels protective—because then we won’t be caught off guard.

And sometimes, especially in certain families or friend groups, being anxious or reserved is a kind of social glue. “Don’t be too happy” or “don’t get your hopes up” becomes a quiet rule for staying connected.

So if you’ve ever had the thought, “I need my anxiety—it keeps me safe,” that makes perfect sense.

And still… it comes at a cost.

What anxiety can take from us

Here’s what I see every week in my work with clients: anxiety can be deeply limiting.

It can keep you from:
– Speaking up—because you might say the wrong thing
– Resting—because that voice says you haven’t earned it
– Trying something new—because the risk of failure feels unbearable
– Letting go—because what if something goes wrong the moment you relax?
– Connecting with others—because vulnerability feels unsafe

Over time, anxiety can shrink your world. Quiet your joy. Dampen your self-trust, self-confidence, self-worth.

Not all at once. Slowly. Subtly. Like background noise you eventually stop noticing—until you realize it’s been shaping every decision.

The good news? You don’t have to fight your mind and you don’t have to “get rid” of anxiety to see positive changes in your life.

Here’s the shift:
You don’t have to silence your thoughts. You just don’t have to let them run the show.

When we stop trying to “get rid of” anxiety and instead learn how to relate to it with curiosity and compassion—that’s when things begin to change.

Three gentle ways to quiet the noise.

Recognize your inner critic when it shows up

That voice in your head? The one that’s always judging, warning, predicting disaster?

It’s trying to protect you… but, it often does its job too well and  ends up keeps you playing small in your life.

Try naming it gently:
“Ah, there goes my inner critic again, trying to keep me safe.”
“My inner critic is saying,”I’ll mess this up.: But that is just a thought – it is not the truth.”

You don’t have to argue with it. Just notice it. That creates space—and space is where calm lives.

Breathe like you mean it

I know, I know—everyone says “just breathe.” But this isn’t about taking one dramatic inhale and hoping for a miracle.

This is about giving your nervous system a message: We’re safe now.

Try this:
– Inhale for 4
– Exhale slowly for 6
– Repeat a few rounds

This simple shift helps your body step out of fight-or-flight mode and into a calmer state of being.

Speak to yourself like someone you love

If your best friend came to you overwhelmed and afraid, would you say, “Get over it”?

I’m guessing not.

Try offering yourself the same kindness. You might say:
“This is hard, and I can figure it out.”
“I can feel anxious and still show up.”
“My thoughts are loud, but they aren’t facts.”

Kindness toward yourself isn’t fluffy—it’s powerful.

What if the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety?

Maybe the goal is this:
– To know your mind gets loud sometimes—and not let it define you
– To hear the noise—and still move forward
– To feel anxious—and still be kind to yourself
– To quiet the noise—not by force, but by understanding

Anxiety may be part of your story.
But it doesn’t have to write the whole thing.

In case you need to hear it today:

– You’re allowed to rest, even if your brain says otherwise
– You don’t have to believe every thought you think
– There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way
– You’re not alone
– You’re not behind
– You’re not broken

A Final Thought

Sometimes, when people first start to recognize their anxious mind for what it is—a protective but overactive part of them—they feel a wave of grief. Or frustration. Or even fear. “But this is how I’ve always coped,” clients tell me. And I get it. Anxiety has sometimes saved our lives; for example, when we scan for danger before stepping out into the street. But often times it distracts us by disconnecting us from what we are really feeling and need to take action on; for example, having that difficult conversation with a friend. Instead, we get caught up in the overthinking and don’t take action. It’s become a kind of armor.

So let me offer this: quieting the noise doesn’t mean getting rid of a part of you. It means learning to listen more gently. It means deciding who gets to be in the driver’s seat of your  life—and who can ride quietly in the backseat. You get to build a relationship with your mind that is wiser, kinder, and more aligned with who you are becoming.

And that? That’s worth everything.

Warmly,

Andrea

This site is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat mental health or medical conditions, nor should it be used to do so.